My Thoughts on 9/11

I am resurrecting this blog ... it's been way too long. I'll be back a lot.

Today is the perfect day to ReGenerate a blog about ReInvention.
Think about where you were on 9/11. How did you first hear about it? Who were you with? Did you spend the day glued to the television like I did? Did you cry and wail for the horrific number of lives lost? Did you sit with the fear, wondering if we might all be endangered?

I was still living in Austin, TX back then. I was alone that morning. My then husband had gone to work, taken my car because his was in the shop. I was 30 miles outside of Austin and I knew none of my neighbors. We had moved to a couple of acres in a rural area. It was peaceful, but isolating.

I kept in touch with loved ones via telephone that day. Austin was threatened because it was President Bush's home. I wondered if my husband would make it home or if there would be an explosion at the capital or at the huge IRS campus.

None of that happened. My husband came home, my son and friends were all fine. But, none of us were really ever the same again. Our world and our lives had changed.

The message of 9/11 for me was "Life is way too short to be unhappy ... so live each moment to the fullest." As a result, in January, I asked for a divorce. I needed to leave an unhappy marriage of 25 years and search for more fulfillment. This started reinvention in an upward way.

I lived on my own in Austin for the next four years. I began dating men (that was fun.) In late 2005, I was yearning for something more and different. So, in March of 2006, I sold nearly everything and moved to NYC for a new adventure. I was 60 years old and starting life in the Big Apple .. a life long dream of mine.

My career thrived. I started speaking and writing about ReInvention. I published an autobiography called Sixty,Sexy, Sassy and Free: A Real Woman's Story of ReInvention. I was happy. Then, in 2009, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Suffice it to say it's been a challenging couple of years. Having cancer, as a self-employed, single person is overwhelming. I wondered how I would make a living. But, I've come through strong, am now healthy and rebuilding.... "reinventing." And, I'm still thrilled to be living in NYC.

Truthfully, none of that would have happened if terrorists hadn't crashed airplanes into the World Trade Towers on September 11, 2001. I would not have had the dose of reality I needed to push me forward. For that, I'm so incredibly grateful. It feels a bit selfish to feel grateful .. but I know many others who's lives have been touched in a positive way because of how they translated the 9/11 experience and used it to grow.

So, I ask you .... what are your thoughts on this day? How have you grown and changed by the wake up call we call 9/11.

Be safe.
ann

Two Things You Can ReInvent Even Today

Today I'm reinventing two new things and I invite you to do the same. I'll choose what I reinvent and you can do the same ones or select something more pertinent to your own life.

First, I'm reinventing the order in which I do things during the day, just to shake things up. So, I already did things out of order. For example, instead of getting up and doing my stretching and meditating, I went to the computer first and checked email. Now, after this, I'll do the stretching and meditating. The point here is: Don't get bored, Break out of the routine of always doing things the same old way, shake things up!!

The second thing I'm going to do is to leave my apartment very early for an appointment I have in midtown Manhattan. Relying on subways (or maybe for you it's traffic), often impedes my commitment to be punctual and I find myself being anxious about getting there late. So, I worry, I try to call and tell them I'm still on the platform waiting for the train. So today, I'm giving myself a whole lot of extra time and reinventing my use of time.

This is just another tip on how ReInvention can be simple, non-threatening and something you bring into your life on a daily basis.

My posts are now going to be shorter and more regular... just to keep reinvention "top of mind" for you all.

ReInvention Revisited .... Again, and Again

HI Everyone,
I've been on hiatus, and I can promise you that isn't going to happen again. I'll be sending out my entries a couple times a week from this point on. There is way too much happening, both globally and in our lives.

We are re-inventing politics these days, with the entrance of a (sort of) new party movement. That's certainly shaking things up a bit and causing some drama.

We're re-inventing companies with major mergers and acquisitions, either peacefully or in a hostile manner.

Huge corporations "say" their reinventing themselves, but huge profits and bonuses still seem to rule, and many are still laying off and not hiring.

People are reinventing their careers, many by circumstances, e.g. layoffs. The good news is, many are taking advantage of being unemployed to examine what they really, I mean REALLY, want to be doing and are reinventing into new, fulfilling work. Others, are floundering, looking in the same old places for the same old positions, not finding them and then being frustrated.

I wonder how many of you can see yourselves in these examples, whether globally or personally.
As a coach, I always love to ask some questions, so here goes?
1. Are you satisfied with where you are in the world, positionally?
2. Do you "do good and meaningful work" and feel good about it?
3. Are you engaged in what you love?
4. Is it time to reinvent or do things differently?

Take on listing everything you used to (or maybe even still) want to do. Putting it down on paper is helpful and you get clear. Then, set about going after it.

I'm always up for comments and questions, so keep me in the loop.
I'll have more at you soon.

Happy Fall,
Ann

Life Isn’t a Bowl of Cherries … It’s a Smorgasbord …You Like Some and you Dislike Some … But Sample it All

Life Isn’t a Bowl of Cherries …
It’s a Smorgasbord …You Like Some and you Dislike Some … But Sample it All


Life isn’t a bowl of cherries. Sorry, I know many have spoken forever the opposite of that phrase. Life is actually like a full loaded food-bar, filled with lots of experiences, tastes and flavors, some pleasant, some not and many in between. Some of life gets shoved down your throat and much you create and enjoy yourself (like a new recipe). It’s up to you!

When you look at your life, where do you go? Do you look at where you currently are, what you’re experiencing now? Do think about everything that you’ve gone through and stay stuck in all that? Do you acknowledge yourself for all your accomplishments? Or, do you even remember what they all are?

I think you actually want to do a combination. You want to honor your experiences and celebrate your accomplishments. It’s really hard to see the upside of who you’ve become without examining what brought you here – the good, the bad and ugly. … all of it!

When I work with people and ask them who they are in the world, they often tell me their job title or position in life. They say, well, I’m a CEO, I’m a Manager, I’m a teacher, I’m a wife or husband or parent. True, I appreciate that. But who else are they? What have they experienced that has brought them to this place?

My belief: EVERYTHING that we have experienced brings us to where we are now. We had to go step by step through the fire, as well as through the accolades and we NEVER fully arrive because whatever is next shows up.

Story: Many years ago, I was visiting my Mother in the hospital. While there, I ran into an old high school buddy. We hadn’t seen each other in many years. In my mind, this woman had the “perfect life.” She came from a well-to-do, in-tact family. She married her high school boyfriend, they had two wonderful daughters. They lived in a beautiful home in a wonderful neighborhood. And, to boot (much to my disdain) she was gorgeous and a size 4 or 6. I had always envied her.
At this encounter, I sucked it up and had a coffee with her, trying to quell my instant jealousy. Well, as it turns out, the tables were way turned .. I was shocked. Here’s what happened. She was at the hospital because her Father-in-law was dying. I, of course, gave her my condolences.

Important note here: She knew that I’d been through many difficult circumstances in my life. I came from a single parent home (Dad left when I was 4), she knew my Mother struggled to provide and we had little when I was young. She knew that I’d experienced tragedy with the loss of two brothers a few years back and that now I was facing my Mother’s debilitating illness.
Anyhow, we’re having coffee and she says to me, “Ann, I’ve always admired you. “ (I was shocked). “You know how to handle life and the difficulties it presents and I’ve NEVER had to deal with anything remotely hard, my life has been easy.” (That I knew.) “I don’t know how to handle this impending death. I’m totally unprepared with how to handle difficult circumstances. Can you give me some advice?”

That was a moment where I embraced and even became grateful for many of the hard things I’d handled in life. I knew I was more prepared. I knew I was strong and resilient. It was a pivotal moment. I did, of course, try to comfort her and offer her some ideas about how to cope, etc. I especially shared with her the importance of acknowledging her feelings and expressing them … not to suppress them. I told her it would eventually make her stronger and be of assistance as she faced further crises in her life. It was, indeed a wonderful encounter.

My work over the years has been shaped by this and many other events. Yes, I was a clinical social worker - therapist. I had training in how to be helpful to others. But, more importantly, I had life experience that taught me that I could make it through nearly anything, survive .. .and then even thrive beyond. In fact, it has taught me that I can be happy and fulfilled … I can chase life, I can reinvent it, and create it to be what I want.

I suggest now, in my work as a coach and as a “motivational” speaker that people embrace all aspects of their lives with appreciation. Do I mean you should be happy when you lose people or are struck with illness yourself, or lose jobs or anything else? No, you aren’t happy, of course not. But, you are being given the gift of opportunity here – a chance to deal with difficulty and then move beyond it, to go beyond where you ever thought you could … for yourself and for others.

Example: When I was 32 years old (yes, a very long time ago), I gave birth to my wonderful child, Gabriel. He was perfect. I was in love from the very first moment I laid eyes on him. It was a heavenly time. However, in that incredible time of happiness, I was also involved in the experience of my younger brother, age 27, dying from cancer.
That was in March of that year. Then, in September of that year, when my baby son was only 7 months old, my brother died. He’d been diagnosed the previous November with malignant melanoma and it took his life in only 10 months. He was 5 years younger than me and felt more like a child to me (you know I was the older sister helping my single Mom care for him.) Anyhow, to make matters worse, two weeks after my brother died, my older half-brother was killed in a car accident. It was the best of years, and the worst of years. Not only did I have to learn to handle my own grief, but also to support my Mother through the loss of two sons AND yet, there was the glory of this incredible new life that we all celebrated. I’m sort of convinced that Gabriel came when he did to actually help us transcend that tragedy.

Note: I had many things that prepared me to go through that year. My grandparents had all died. My Father had died when I was 19 (although he was mostly absent, we had reconnected in my teens.) My Mother had been dealing with a serious illness for many years. And, as a therapist, I’d done much of my own therapy and work to deal with everything as it came along. Was I prepared for that year .. with the double tragedy? Absolutely not. We’re never prepared for loss and grief, even when we know it’s coming. But perhaps some of us handle it more easily than others.

So, what’s my point here? What have I learned that I can pass on? Again, I say, sample it all, embrace it all, and let it teach you gratitude as well.

Assignment: Take this on, if you’d like.
1. Make a list of all the difficult things you’ve experienced. While you do it, it might be emotional, but also you can appreciate in the moment that you’ve handled it all. You’re still here.
2. Make another list of all the incredible things you’ve accomplished in your life, e.g. graduated high school or college, jobs you’ve held, how your kids have turned out, living situations, etc.
3. If you’re up to it, make a list of what you’ve learned along the way. Here’s a few of my lessons… just to spur you on:
a. People are with us for as long as they are – enjoy them.
b. Know that when you “let go”you open yourself up for more good things to come into your life.
c. It takes something unpleasant to remind us of how good life can be.
d. I can handle way more than I expect (although I’m not asking for more.)

So, my final words? Think of when you go to a restaurant with a smorgasbord .. a buffet… an “all you can eat” food bar. You go around the tables, you look, you smell. You take some and you leave the rest behind. Maybe you come back for more or different. Those of you who are adventurous might, perhaps, taste some things you haven’t tried before and give yourself a new experience. Perhaps you remember tasting those things before and that you didn’t like them, so you leave them behind. Importantly, you get to choose what to have linger on your palate, what will never enter your lips. It’s up to you …. You can eat a little, you can stuff yourself and be full and uncomfortable. You choose.

As I continue to work with people as they take on their life, as they ReInvent themselves, I’m committed to doing whatever it takes to get them where they want to be. I don’t mince words, I express myself fully, hoping to help them do the same .. to tell themselves the truth. Once they face their truths, their sadnesses, their circumstances AND look at their accomplishments, they can begin to move forward to whatever is next in their lives.

Until next time,
thanks for taking on your life.
ann

What's it all about, Alfie? What Are We Meant to Do?

Good Sunday morning everyone.
Back in the 70's there was a movie and a song called, What's It All About Alfie? For some reason, the words are buzzing in my ears this morning. Reinvention is strongly on my mind. I'm in the midst of it... and truly, whether most admit it or not, everyone is. The world is a different place these days. What used to work, doesn't. So, it's off to the drawing boards for us all.

As I share the words below, think of what they conjure up for you.
Here are the words:

what's it all about alfie
is it just for the moment we live

what's it all about
when you sort it out, alfie
are we meant to take more than we give
or are we meant to be kind?

and if, if only fools are kind, alfie
then I guess it is wise to be cruel
and if life belongs only to the strong, alfie
what will you lend on an old golden rule?

as sure as I believe there's a heaven above
alfie, I know there's something much more
something even non-believers can believe in

i believe in love, alfie
without true love we just exist, alfie
until you find the love you've missed
you're nothing, alfie

when you walk
let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day
alfie
oh alfie
what's it all about alfie?

I invite you to the journey. It's never very easy. I love all that I am, what I do; and yet, I'm beginning to get the wanderlust ...
where should I be next,
is there something else I'm meant to do?
what about you?

Happy Sunday,
ann

Attitude ReInvention ... It's Up to YOU!

Good Sunday afternoon everyone.
I hope you are well and enjoying the beautiful Summer day wherever you are.

I started thinking today about how much most of us need to continuously "reinvent" our attitude .. sometimes from minute to minute, and certainly day to day. There are many circumstances that live out there in the world that can suck us down. How do we, instead, bounce, be resilient, reinvent the feeling along the way?

For many years, I was a psychotherapist. When I had a session with a client, I could always put my own feelings, issues, worries on the back burner, focus on the client and not even think about myself. That made me a good therapist. Well, in times like these, it's not always so easy to put myself and my "stuff" on the back burner.

REInvention is about tweaking, shifting ... changing. I often teach the principle that you can't feel bad and good at the very same moment. Think about it. When you're feeling bad, then you're feeling bad. When you're feeling good, then you're feeling good. And, you can choose (albeit difficult at times) to shift from one to the other. I prefer to shift from feeling bad to feeling good (but, hey, each to their own.)
In other words, you can reinvent your attitude .. in the moment, and shift.

Example: This morning, I was feeling a bit low. I've had some medication challenges recently and some side effects. I'm frustrated by it all and I'm a bit more moody then I like. However, I got a phone call from my son, telling me that he and his band were driving back to Austin in the wee hours this morning after a gig. A tire on their van blew, they swerved off the road. They saw some oil/gas on the road nearby and quickly got all of their instruments (and themselves) out of the van. And yup, you got it, the van burst into flames and completely consumed the vehicle. BUT, THEY ARE ALL SAFE!

My attitude immediately shifted from feeling low about myself to great gratitude for the safety of my son and his bandmates. My stuff was insignificant in that moment.

So, where can you look at your life now .. and reinvent how you feel about it? That's my challenge. We're seeing lots of tweaking of attitudes as teams contend in the World Cup games. We see it as people deal with difficult circumstances in these challenging times. We have to be responsible for our own tweaking.

Have a glorious Sunday.
Ann

Is it Time To Reinvent Yet Again???

Hi Everyone,
It's Sunday, June 27th and it's a beautiful day in NYC.
I just returned from a trip to Connecticut where I delivered a morning workshop to a group of healthcare workers.

I'm incredibly lucky... I love what I do. I have passion for my audiences, for my topics. I'm constantly tweaking to make it better and more purposeful.
I had wonderful side-bar conversations with some of the participants and their comments ranged from questions to "I don't know if I can do this."

Their questions/comments were usually things like:
1. I'm not happy, but I don't really think I can make any changes
2. I've been wanting to get a divorce for over 10 years, but haven't had the courage
3. What are some babysteps I can make?
4. Who can really be there to help me through the whole process?
5. Change is scary.

You get the drift.
We're all in that boat. We all want to make changes in our lives, whether it be small ones or large ones. Sometimes the changes have to do with what's "not" working and other times it's about wanting to try something new and different (and there's not necessarily anything wrong.)

I say that before we can make a change we need to Show Up,Be Willing, Tell ourselves the Truth and then Give Ourselves Permission.

So have you "shown up".... are you thinking about how things are and wondering if they could be different?
Are you willing to engage in the conversation with yourself and others ... just explore?
Can you tell the truth about what's working, what's not, where you're happy and where you're not, if making a change is viable considering where you are in your life right now?
And lastly, will you give yourself permission to actually take some steps, or dive in?

If you can answer yes, then it's time to move forward.

Reinvention is all around you. Just google the word. You'll see that GM is reinventing their company, BP and Toyota are reinventing their advertising, Lady Gaga is reinventing her look and her outrageousness every day. Government is reinventing it's policies. Businesses are reinventing their services and their products.

So, why shouldn't you take on reinventing yourself again...at whatever stage of life you're at?

I'm constantly thinking of what's next for me. Can I add a new service, start a new workshop, change my speaking topics, take my work on the road, write a new book?
Yesterday I went to see the Joan Rivers movie about her life and how she has been unstoppable and done whatever it takes to continue to perform, make money, work, feel purposeful. It was very inspiring. She is 75 and has no intention of slowing down. You should see what an ordinary day's schedule looks like in her life. It seems she never gives up, never sits down and just wastes time in front of the TV .. she is always "generating" what's next.

I invite you to take a look at how you're living your life.
Are you loving it?
Are you just surviving and muddling through OR are you thriving?
Are you yearning for more, but taking no action?
Are you excited about new things you want to do.

Remember what I always say: Do you want to die with your dreams inside you?

As always, I'm here to help... feel free to comment, ask questions, etc.
Til next time,
ann